I’m writing this before I’m setting up a proper profile on here. I’ll figure out the pictures and all the bullshit later. But none of that matters for now, I just need to write again. I’ve missed it.
I used to have a blog and wrote in it most days. Haven’t done so for about two and a half years now. And it used to be so therapeutic. I used to write to get rid of worries and frustrations. And I feel like over the last few years I’ve given up on a lot of things I used to care about. So there was no need to write. Whenever something bothers me these days I try to forget it. Whether it’s by drinking too much or reading or watching a whole season of some new tv programme. I’ve let it all go. When there was so much that I cared about.
But not anymore. I feel like my head is in such a mess. I act like everything is ok but it can’t be ok unless I write about things. Life gives us problems, we have to deal with them. It’s not possible to have nothing to deal with ever. And so I’m lying to myself. If I think about things properly I know there are a lot of things I’m scared of. Also a lot of things I’m excited about. And a whole complicated little scenario that is not over no matter how much I tell myself it is. It’s going to come back and bite me this year and I need some way of getting my head together about it all. This is the year I get a career. This is the year I decide where to live. This is the year I need to supress certain emotions more than ever so that I can be a respected member of society. I’m going to visit this site a lot and persuade myself of what I need to do. If it’s all typed out so I can read it over and over, maybe it will all sink in to my stupid brain. But for now, I’m off to bed.