Waiting for something

Thought I’d do a little update on here since it’s been a while. And I’m in a bad mood. I doubt I’ll write a blog when I’m in a good mood often since I only do this to sort my head out.

I have filled in my PGCE application now. I never got chance to observe lessons as experience so I really hope they overlook that. They are desperate for Maths teachers so surely they should give me a chance. Right now I’m waiting for a reference from an old teacher. But they are messing about and taking ages. They better hurry the fuck up, I don’t like waiting. I just want this shit to be sorted one way or the other. Either everyone rejects me and I go on a crazy, drunken journey (possibly to Thailand for a few months, fuck it) or I get on the course and I have an actual career path. Yay. Either way, I need to know. I need to get away from here. I need money to fund all the things I want to do. I need lots and lots of cash.

So all that is stressing me out. My Mum and her boyfriend have moved out. That’s cool as things are more relaxed now. But I feel like I need to be constantly going to the shop to buy electricity, coffee, milk, bread, tea, sugar, beer, cat food etc. It’s annoying and maybe I didn’t appreciate my mother enough. And the house is a mess. This never used to bother me, fuck the mess. It shouldn’t be important. But it is sort of in the back of my mind as something that eventually needs to be done and it’s bothering me. Stupid I know, but there it is.

Lately I’ve been doing only three things with my time. 1) Working which is the same shit as usual and makes my fucking shit itch. 2) Getting far too drunk to the point that I cannot remember who I’ve seen, what I’ve done, where I’ve been, what I’ve said. And then the next day I just feel like an idiot just incase I did or said anything stupid. Maybe I have no reason to feel stupid but since I don’t know what happened there is a good chance I have reason to. So I do. 3) I’ve been a bit of a geek lately. I bought a PS3 and a HDTV and have been playing a lot of games. It’s just cool to have a new way to escape a bit since I haven’t really played games in years. I’m also going to start buying comics. I’m just a fucking geek and I think Batman is awesome.

I feel like as time goes on I’m becoming more stupider (sic). My spelling is still pretty good but sometimes I have to think about how to spell a word whereas before I just knew. It was like however I chose to write a word would be the way it is written even if the English language changed around me lol. Well not quite, but I never had to think. And also I sometimes struggle to add numbers up quickly and I even now make mistakes with easy calculations. This is unlike me. It’s understandable to some extent since I don’t exercise my mind like I used to when doing A-levels and degrees and the brain needs it. But it still disappoints me and I want it all back. I don’t want to forget all the stuff I know and I don’t want to be a dumbass. There’s another reason to get into a career where I can use my brain all the time. I’ve been too comfortable and I’ve killed too many brain cells over the last few years.

Now for some good news. Awesome news. I have sacked off both Sonisphere and Download this year even thoughthey have awesome line ups. I’m not a hardcore metalhead really, it’s just one genre of music that I love. But my first love will always be hip hop. It’s programmed into me. And my favorite artist will always be Eminem. And he is headlining V festival this year which takes place in my very own county of Staffordshire. So it’s a no brainer, I have to go. My chance to see my idol. The whole line up looks awesome to be honest even without Em. Arctic Monkeys, Pendulum, Chase and Status, Tinie Tempah, Plan B, Dizzee Rascal, Kaiser Chiefs etc. But with Eminem there too it has me pissing my pants with anticipation. Tickets go on sale in three days time and I NEED to get a ticket. I don’t even want to contemplate missing this. And I don’t care what anybody says about Eminem. I’ve listened to him for 12 years on an almost daily basis. Lyrically he destroys everybody and he’s managed to do that whilst staying relevant and dominating the pop charts for a decade. To still have respect from everybody in hip hop and to do what he’s done says it all really. He’s The G.O.A.T. He even has more “likes” on facebook than Michael Jackson now. It’s so great that he’s headlining V this year, it’s fucking EMINEM!

Anyways, I have to drink this coffee now and then head off to work. It’s going to suck since the person who was running the show (in the kitchen lol) tonight is probably going to call in sick so I have to take responsibility which I don’t want to do. I’m not paid enough to think. But fuck it, I’ll get through it. And roll on 9am on Friday. If I don’t get a ticket I will sell my soul to Satan and buy one off ebay. One way or the other I am going to V.

Darren

 

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About dazz22

I’m a dude from England and I’m just your average screw up of a human being
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