I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch

The funniest thing on the internet by far has only just come to my attention. http://www.gizoogle.net is a search engine based on Google except it translates everything into “gangsta” talk. It’s so funny to read serious news articles when it has been translated by this site. I tried it on my own words from Pandora’s Box since it’s kind of a rap and it had me in stitches how it has made it into gangsta rap lyrics. I imagine I’ll be using this site a lot in future, absolutely brilliant it is. The new version of Pandora’s Box doesn’t rhyme as well but it is a comedy. I don’t take credit for it but here it is:

Pandora’s Box: Ab Aeterno, Ad Infinitum

Descensus up in cuniculi cavum


Da ink runs up n’ tha page bleedz dry; unfinished, uncertain

Yo, still hurting. No confession. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. No flirtin wit a end yo, but it ain’t no stoppin cause I be still poppin’. Da curtain

Yo, stays open. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Da show’s not over n’ shit. I’m broken. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. No hope and

No redemption. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Yo crazy-ass name, never mentioned. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin flame, up in detention

Indefinitely. Inevitably. Only way see. Yo crazy-ass destiny. Dat shiznit was meant ta be

Goin crazy. But next ta mah dirty ass. Can of Carlin fo’ realz. A lil ecstasy. Nuff props darling

I peep a girl. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch do a twirl. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. She’s just like yo thugged-out ass. From another ghetto

Too much like yo thugged-out ass. Thanks fo’ tha shock. Quickly, vodka splashed on tha rocks

I lose dat shit. In tha noize fo’ realz. And dizzle fo’ tha clocks

Yo, she has a key. Well shiiiit, it can set me free. Up goes her hand fo’ tha locks

Yo, she’s up in mah mind. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Back up in time. Fallin back… Pandora’s Box

Yo, she’s not there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin’ thru fo’sho. Only yo thugged-out ass. But where, biatch? Don’t remember n’ shit. Feels like December

Always yo thugged-out ass fo’ realz. Always will be. Need a pill before you bust a cap up in mah dirty ass

Yo, shut mah eyes. Go ta chill. Not too wise. In too deep

Not up in bed. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Not like dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. You’re mo’ real here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin’ thru fo’sho. Inside mah head

A poisonous dart dat stings. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Starts ta brang…lonely pain

Never again n’ again n’ again is mah ass ta sing…only rain

A darkenin cloud sparks suttin’ loud. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A far reachin sound

It rumblez under us, thunderous. Proud. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Shakin tha ground

Mouth’s so dry, I try ta swallow. Yo ass drop a rhyme n’ then hide

I try ta seek. I follow

Da rainbows just so dis pain goes “Trust

Me” you say. I run away cause fucked up lust

Chokes like volcanoes dust

But I lose tha urge ta fight. These half trips begin ta merge at night…


In somnis veritas


Yo, suddenly dis gloomy curse is shifted, I’m a freshly smoked up thug n’ I’m lifted

To another universe where gifted a alternate reality

That also just happens ta be where all dat straight-up mattas ta mah dirty ass

Is exactly how tha fuck I require, mah ass n’ mah mind is back on fire

It starts wit a rewind ta a pact a entire decade ago

Yo, shunnin me would have ignited a grenade explo-

sion n’ I fighted it as I was afraid of a no so

Quiet I stayed n’ frozen

Until a riot inside mah mind made me enquire n’ I conveyed mah emotions

A dizzle was chosen

Yo, shortly afta you did a sponsored 10 mile jog wit mah dirty ass

Lyrics was formed ta take yo’ ghetto by storm up in a letter I left up in Geography

I remember tha shiznit as I fumbled all up in a A4 word jumble tryin ta find meanin up in a gangbangin’ fuck up

I must’ve stumbled on lyrics ta tha puzzle ��” a straightforward wonder solvin mah need ta impress n’ endin tha feelin of stress

Now I look forwardz instead of fo’ lyrics, nuff still look but I don’t join tha search

I avoided hurt, so much joy dat shiznit was worth

Da risk ��” mah fears was null n’ void. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin lyrics

Must have hit dat shiznit so no rang fo’ dem letters

Instead a rang fo’ yo’ finger is better

And whatever you want I’ll git ya ��” whether sweatas up in cold drizzle or summer stilettos, laced n’ leather

I’ll upset you never ��” vendettas faced together

Expect I’ll endeavour ta ludd you forever n’ ever

And eva since our phat asses dated you know mah psychotic ways was negated props ta yo’ hypnotic gaze

Fate has made me wild-ass fo’ you only, since you broke all up in dat logic maze

No longer cold n’ lonely, say peace out ta mah robotic phase

Yo ass find mah crazy ass up in binary n’ peep dat mah domes made up

Of veins n’ blood not steel n’ oil, reels n’ coils

But fo’ you I’m programmed ta be straight-up loyal

Cause just as chicken is essential ta a starved hood that’s riceless

I need you n’ you’re a valued creation that’s priceless

Definitely heavenly ��” you’re from tha place dat gives sight ta tha sightless

A place of immaculate discoveries, miraculous recoveries ��” hoe you let there be a shitload of chronic up in mah lightless ghetto

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah scams is like a swarm of locusts but wit you mah wack ambitions is refined – mo’ focused ��” you give hope when I’m hopeless

And you know dis do not go unnoticed n’ I hope dis symbiosis between our asses never becomes endangered by mah psychosis

But you won’t fuckin cheat me n’ leave me n’ on dis I trust you straight-up

Can’t believe how tha fuck much you complete me ��” I can hardly believe dat RD loves DC yo. How tha fuck far our crazy asses have come biaaatch! With our spark we outrun even our trips peep biaatch!

Now dat you’re mah hoe we need a soundtrack – a score fo’ our game

Composed by mo’ than I could do on trip wit a mic

There’ll be violins on fire wit choirs rappin high n’ low up in epic harmony up in a psychedelic symphony

We can live a jolly game tryin ta live it simply

Or do wack together like Bonnie n’ Clyde fightin wit tha infamy

Just as long as they don’t fuck wit you if they kind of have it up in fo’ mah dirty ass

Cause I’ll git ta dem without tha slightest sympathy

We should put our ludd up in a funky-ass book, feck it let’s give tha lil playas a soppy story

As we sit up in tha sun Lehcar, lickin a knickerbocker glory

In summer tha ghetto is our playin ground up in tha sun

We can’t decizzle whether ta lay on tha ground or run

We sit under a tree at night n’ tell stories ta pass hours

Us thugs wonder if granted some wishes what tha fuck we would have as powers

As we gaze up all up in tha stars I realise I’d gather dem on stalks up in a vase fo’ you as flowers

But wait a funky-ass bit, I wouldn’t say dat shit… you n’ tha stars disappear fo’ realz. A rainbow appears

None of dis is right n’ mah pain grows wit fear

Da lightning’s crazy glow is near n’ there’s spilled blood from mah dome up mah ear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I’m bustin up like a biatch but tha drizzle drowns mah tear





Da rainbow’s colours fade, they go dull n’ grey

Face goes sullen ��” pale wit fright like Edward Cullen up in pale moonlight

It’s so warm, where be I, biatch? I’m lost n’ I’m burning

Tossin n’ turnin up in sweat even though it’s so frosty it’s concernin n’ yet

As I lay here dossin n’ yearnin fo’ rest n’ def trips maybe where I’m a funky-ass boss n’ I’m earnin thousandz per week n’ found what tha fuck I seek

I remember bits n’ piecez of a thugged-out trip dat I guess fits tha thesis it would seem dat I’m still fucked up n’ though self-inflicted straight-up shows how tha fuck sick dis disease is… I could scream

Fuck dat shit. Back ta countin sheep until I’m sound asleep on thousandz a week

Just need a phat 40 winks n’ dat trip where I’m so rich dat I looted tha sphinx but instead I trip on some hoe fo’ whom I caught tha jinx

That trip needz a abort I be thinkin as I’m shizzle it stinks

But I fall asleep afta mah Horlicks dranks n’ then shizzle enough there is tha whore-bitch-minx

But wait let’s stop there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin’ thru fo’sho. Maybe that’s fuckin wack. Maybe that’s not fair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. While I’m maybe lucid let’s peep how tha fuck we gots where we is without blamin cupid

It’s hard ta analyse dis shiznit fuck thang when you’re up in tha land of nod

Through tha damaged eyez of a mixed up sick creation invented by dat biiiatch-ass God

And I have all sortz of foes rappin’ shiznit bout what tha fuck they thought they know

Into mah bidnizz they’ve brought they nose, it gets me down but I’ve fought these lows

But before you fuck wit me know dat no muthafucka eva surely knows

Yo, so grab a cold-ass lil cuppa chronic n’ oreos n’ I’ll rap how tha fuck tha rap goes

There was no start so it’s kinda hard when tryin’ ta write

There was no spark dat ignited tha stick of dynamite

I’m often tryin’ ta find tha right time at night ta write tha right rhymes it’s like A tiny point of light up in tha not so bright night sky n’ it’s like a plight

As I bust a funky-ass big-ass fart at night almost trippin’ off moments on tha brink of solace

But not content as minutes git shorter when close ta tha winter solstice

And just like always there’s only two I do dis fo’ but since it’s obvious

I’ll say tha closest ta tha real deal fo’ you be all up in dis intersomnious

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah mind’s a cold-ass lil camera dat takes prints so let me make you a painted picture ghettofab

I peep you n’ peep me – we’re linked like tha fate of a saint ta scripture should be

Ever since I made mah escape from Dudley

Yo ass was always there n’ I remember how tha fuck pimped out you could be

Da only thug whoz ass eva understood mah crazy ass n’ I miss you muchly

“How tha fuck much do I gots a straight-up boner fo’ thee?” I could never count tha ways

It aint NEVER gonna chizzle all up in a gametime’s amount of days

Worth every last muthafuckin ounce ta tha bounce of pain n’ no amount of rain

Could eva douse tha flame

And now I’m shamed at how tha fuck I acted n’ it hurts – I dwell

On tha fact dat I never heard you yell as you eva further fell

Deeper tha fuck into tha seventh circle of hell

And further still ��” I’m stuck up in hell too

With hell’s bells ringin ��”I’m fucked up, locked up like you while you’re stuck wit dat fuckin cell view

There’s walls surroundin each side of yo’ bed such is yo’ ghetto up in yo’ prison

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah fences is found inside of mah head ‘till I put these lyrics up in dis rhythm

I almost peep you now, on tha verge of a vision as wisdom is lost up in a funky-ass blur while you listen

Us thugs write fo’ each other n’ up in tha imagery of our painted lyrics

We find we peep tha symmetry of our tainted ghettos

And our art shares a theme

Yo, so whoz ass is you n’ mah crazy ass son, biatch? We’re “two stars up in a scene”

Between our asses we’ve been ta Venus n’ Mars up in our dreams

But now that’s how tha fuck far apart we is it would seem, no longer is we part of a crew

And maybe you’ll always remember me like I’ll always remember yo thugged-out ass

I hear echoez of every last muthafuckin thang you eva holla’d ta me wit every last muthafuckin thang I eva do

And it sticks up in mah head n’ skits over like a melody, I guess I never knew

That when you feel pain I have empathy, I guess we’ll never be through

It’s definitely wit me ‘till tha cemetery maybe when I’m seventy-two

I try ta keep mah silent lies but inside there’s violent cries as tha deafenin truth is dat I’m missin you ��” no one else listens ta me n’ though I’m only twenty-four

Fuck tha fish up in tha sea; I don’t care if there’s fuckloadz more

May as well piss up in tha sea as that’ll defend mah crazy ass more

Cause I axed fo’ ludd n’ Dogg just went n’ busted mah crazy ass war

And course you know once you’ve sparked mah thoughts ta beware of dark retorts

One minute you create noize so dope up in mah mind it’s like a harp wit chords

But then you cause rage n’ tha noize gets bangin like when a boombox distorts

It stings when our phat asses disagree like a sharp discord

It stings when you battle me n’ aim at mah ass wit sword

Hate be a part of ludd n’ dis I can’t ignore

And tha real deal…I just can’t handle

What tha fuck did I eva start dis for?

I’ve always been a moth – you’re tha candle n’ time don’t make it easy as fuck , whoz ass say this?

It’s so tangled, wit no way up unlike fo’ a knot up in these shoe laces

Feels like I’ve been strangled n’ had mah head blasted up in at least two places but up in mah hand I hold a cold-ass lil coin dat has gots these two faces

Let’s begin ta spin n’ peep if we peep tha demon up in me ��” tha sinista spinster

Yo, since I’m fallin deeper I be thinkin ya should run from tha fiend dat you’ll peep you minx or I’ll jinx ya

Feelin chillaxed again n’ again n’ again now, maybe rest will greet mah dirty ass

I don’t suggest you hook up me; you’ve been pimped so flee mah dirty ass

Yo ass bein a mad head made me a worry dome

And though it’s I dat should be blamed fo’ these thoughts whirlin like a hurricane

If you wonder “would his schmoooove ass chizzle?” know dat of me no phat became

Where once stood tall a angel now standz a

Fallen stranger hidden deep up in each stanza

Read between lines ta break all up in a wall of danger

To solve tha riddles; ta find a answer

I’ve always tried ta git a sick demeanour n’ always been like tha dreamer

But I’m falling…thankin of you…something’s comin n’ it’s slightly meaner

It straight-up bothers me so promise me you’ll stay away

A rainbow…so pretty…the lightning…I’m dizzy…it all fades ta grey


Nocturna Suppressio – Nihil Morte Certius


Succumb ta mah lyrics; they’re tha beatz of dirtnap

Poundin a painted picture like tha Picasso of percussion wit each thunderous breath


Da darknizz of tha night sings right all up in me concealin tha white

As tha lightnin strikes revealin a gangbangin’ frightenin sight

A knife has sliced right tha fuck into me ��” I’m bleeding, tha light has sliced tha night

I gots a growin headache wit a

Yo, sense of dread as I peep tha flowin red lake n’ river

I know I’m dead n’ knowin make me shake n’ shiver, certain I’m not kickin it

But mah liver’s hurtin n’ now saliva swells up in mah grill

Yo, soundz just won’t come up as I yell n’ I shout. I feel eva so sick…shit

Light hits me ta gin n juice mah pain wit a migraine ��” almost a epileptic fit, I might vomit

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ mah dome’s a funky-ass bomb- it goes off tearin n’ splitting

Da pain! I can’t bear it, I’m slipping

It’s excruciatin n’ real or is I hallucinatin wit zeal?

As dawn breaks I try ta fall awake

I need ta roll ta tha floor ta wake but have no control of mah thoughts, fuck’s sake biaatch!

I slip all tha way ta tha end of infinite depth, thankin dis is tha end, thankin of dirtnap

I fall ta tha place up in mah head where mah skull is split right where yo ass is

I peep yo’ face. This is dat shit. My fuckin illest nightmare, FUBAR

This is yo’ last chance; you still gotz a cold-ass lil chizzle RUN!

Darknizz is twistin mah dirty ass. Teeth sharpen, grill’s spittin poison

Like a wolf wit his wild lil’ chicken I’m engulfed n’ consumed as I stand before you bleedin n’ evil as a maniacal menace wit no need fo’ a sequel ��” there’ll be no fallin up in love- let our asses just remember I’m a venomous nemesis whoz ass just feedz off deceitful, feeble people

With serenitizzle as I accept I’m a thugged-out demented entitizzle n’ wit thoughts like these I could’ve ran guiltily

Yo, silly me, why run when I be infinity, biatch? Fuck yo’ Trinity, chaos is tranquillity

Yo ass wondered like why I’m renowned fo’ decadence

As tha thunder claps wit resoundin resonance

This feelin be a Revelation n’ playas haven’t half a cold-ass lil clue

A lit fuse sparks dynamite but mah anger starts a nuke

They freestyled bout me up in a funky-ass book that’ll from page one have you start ta puke

Partly freestyled by John, Mathew, Mark n’ Luke

And now you can hardly move as a cold-ass lil cold breeze once calm is gettin’

Yo, stronger as fo’ these playas harm is spreadin’

Now soundz a alarm of dread as you realise dis is Armageddon

But not fo’ yo thugged-out ass. I can’t let you go so you stay here up in dis barren wasteland

Locked up in tha basement of mah dome fo’ muthafuckin years tokin mah eternal drizzle n’ tears, dis is Darren’s wasteland

Unfortunately what tha fuck you meant ta me means consequentially

That wit whatever you do never will there be a average response you git from mah dirty ass

Yo, so now we’re here alone, what tha fuck do I say ta thee, biatch? How tha fuck much do I don’t give a fuck bout thee?

I fuckin despise you n’ yo’ playa pimped outly

It’s dirty you devised a pimped out plan ta escape mah dirty ass

But you went further than I could’ve hoped n’ I laughed so much I had a hurt spleen but will I give props ta ya, biatch? Nope

Just know dat I’m so glad you was caught wit thirteen kilogramz of coke

Though sometimes I feel choked by anguish which causes dis use of emotizzle language

Feelings hurt wit blood still pourin evokin sadness

As mah game ticks away here you smoke on yo’ fag biiiatch bustin up while I’m fucked up n’ damaged, provokin a mad itch up in me ta have you soaked up in a thugged-out damn ditch

Never again n’ again n’ again biiiatch will a thugged-out dirty whore upset me mo’ than

Yo ass did – it make me wanna let go, come forth n’ fetch mah fork and

Knife n’ end game like Dexter Morgan might n’ though restin on these dormant nights I’m destined fo’ a war tonight

And yeah some playas is headcases n’ dangerous, so hard n’ bananas

Well that’s dunkadelic baby cause I’m bat-shit-crazy, so far gone up in Narnia

And though there’s still karma ta harm ya if truth is holla’d at I’d blast you cold

And if magic was legit know I’d say “Avada Kedavra” or “Crucio” ta you both you wack ho

All I peep up in you be a ambiguous playette blurrin tha facts just

Enough wit dark fantasy ta be believable ta others

And each persona heard from you be a cold-ass lil character fo’ playas ta discover

It’s all verse, prose n’ lyrics dat you’ve studied, whoz ass can fathom ya without readin cover ta cover?

But you went too far ��” you went berserk n’ crazy as you tried ta live a “worldly” game thankin wit no hurt, no gain

But look what tha fuck tha fuck tha ghetto did ta Kurt Cobain

Hustlin wild wit our dark selves always leadz ta certain pain

And it’s not so sane, if you don’t mind mah crazy ass sayin’, ta go from almost no Cristal ta linez of E n’ snow white

This isn’t bout what tha fuck I believe or condone and

I’m not havin a go at either persona

Yo ass just can’t be fuckin both. If you show two sides then neither is known n’ I know which side I trust up in most

Is yo’ dome still identical as before them

Changes up in chemicals n’ hormones, biatch? Or is yo’ two sides causin pain as it’s inevitable they’re trapped up in a war unit?

I know whereas it might go plural, one crime’s only nominal eh?

But you should be studied up in a psychoneuroendocrinological way

And so should I right, biatch? With hindsight on each freshly smoked up dizzle you see, hear then pray

But suttin’ divine might be bustin lyrics all up in me here todizzle

Can’t take all tha limelight here though dat feels truly weird ta say

Yo, since up in all ways I lost faith n’ crossed fate as a all dazed Apostate

I deserved all praise as a apotheosiz of evil fo’ not rockin mah excuse of losin ludd or bustin psychosis on playas when I became a all crazed punk ass fuck- a insane, sly foe wit no equal

But…incredibly yo’ enemy is hustlin outta juice

Da poison n’ venom up in me evidently will now be tha end of mah dirty ass

Death ta me be a remedy; eternal rest is ghon be heavenly

Destiny’s callin as blood’s still desperately pouring

Yo, sprayin outta mah head n’ mah wrist like symbolic red anger mist

Blood fills tha air from open wounds

I’m stood still wit despair; broken…doomed

Probably dopest cause if granted mo’ time wit you then I’d hurt ya

Or worse so maybe first you decided ta take thangs further

Can’t remember game before pain. I aint talkin’ bout chicken n’ gravy biatch. Is dis suicizzle or is dis murder?

Doesn’t matter n’ shit. Destiny’s calling…I’m desperately falling

Da grey, icy fog descendz tryin ta chew n’ swallow mah dirty ass

I peep you ascend right on all up in it n’ so I follow thee

But it don’t matter n’ shit. Destiny’s calling…

Desperately falling…there’s not a god damn thang left

Da grey fades ta black….such is dirtnap…


Finis Vitae Sed Non Amoris


…But wait. Is dis a freshly smoked up day, biatch? Have I juiced it up back?

Internal rhyme schemes explode as external night screams

Time stuck wit eternal mind trips but let dis be tha end of mah nocturnal fight please

I remember what tha fuck I thought was a thugged-out deadly fall n’ mah head seems sore

Here I lie wit bed sheets all tangled as chill endz on concrete floor

Bruisin while I snoozed as I have all dem like bashed ribs

Losin blood as it oozed from two slightly slashed wrists

I laugh as I look over sharp edges dat up in tha sun gleam as light catches

On tha bed is fucked up shardz from unseen Cristal glasses

Da cause of blood seeped onto mattress from these fine scratches

Can’t remember what tha fuck happened on a night dat fuckin started sober

And ended wit blood, nightmares n’ a hangover

I git up n’ find a lil note; suspenseful n’ somewhat tense as I creep outta mah bedroom

I sit on tha sofa wit what tha fuck was written; freestyled up in pencil was one sentence dat I read up n’ it holla’d “Soon

Yo, peep you, sorry I left n’ strutted home without sayin peace out but as you slept you talked loadz n’ without chill I would cry”

And yeaaaa finally…now I remember.  So much Cristal up in me…but dis is December

Last night glasses clinked wit cheers as we was drankin merrily

Fixin fears wit no room fo’ thankin heavily

Mixin brews wit shotz of vodka n’ other spirits like Hennessey

Then it seems mixin brew wit whiskey sendz vision from crystal clear ta misty

As then all dat shiznit hits me as I find a girl

That remindz me of her n’ dat biiiiatch will always be wit mah dirty ass. Da rest of tha night be a funky-ass blur – hustled by all dat inflicts mah dirty ass

All we can do is deal wit thangs on a thugged-out everyday n’ weekly basis

Yo, search fo’ what’s legit whilst our crazy asses heal within puttin on brave n’ cheery faces

I feel at peace as I look up tha window feelin as high as tha wind do blow

Yo, seein violet n’ indigo

I’m grateful fo’ tha ludd I’ve truly peeped as I peep mo’ colours ��” blue n’ green

Feelin a strange inner peace n’ mellow as orange seems ta reach fo’ yellow

Red aint rage it is ludd dat surroundz all colours

Always we’ll look n’ when you’ve found our asses ludd us

Da rainbow standz wit a grand purpose outside mah window dutiful

Once drizzle has poured not a god damn thang can hurt our asses n’ every last muthafuckin thang’s so dope

It promises ta brang some freshly smoked up stories as game continues before mah dirty ass

Yo, so I grab a gangbangin’ fountain pen n’ begin ta count ta ten before surely

Freestylin a happily eva afta chapter up in all its glory

No end up in sight but still

Yo ass KNOW somehow dat I’ve paid tha price now n’ finished hurting

Yo, so I guess I’ll write until

Da ink runs up n’ tha page bleedz dry; unfinished, uncertain

About dazz22

I’m a dude from England and I’m just your average screw up of a human being
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