My Book of Rhymes

I’ve been feeling pretty miserable today. Cannot be bothered to explain why. It’s the usual shit. Time racing away and the feeling that I’m becoming powerless to change things. But today something happened that distracted me for a while. I woke up feeling a need to write some rhymes. It’s the first time that’s happened in a while and it was therapeutic. I can’t be bothered to turn what I’ve wrote into something more coherent. I can’t be bothered to fit it all together or finish it off. In contrast to my last poem that took quite a few sessions to write this is one session on one day. It’s unpolished and doesn’t fit together the way I’d make it fit if I could be bothered to finish it. But sod it, I’m going to share the kind of stuff I write when I’m in this mood. If I was going to make something else like Pandora’s Box I would end up with pages and pages of bullshit like this and then have to edit the shit out of it and make it fit together. This is phase one of a new poem. I don’t even know what I would call it. Each paragraph is it’s own thing and they don’t flow from one to the other. The next paragraph is probably unrelated. Here’s what I wrote anyway:

Alone in my own zone I walk to places of the past
Friends used to run around here but friendly faces never last
Clouds above convey gloom as the day is overcast
Here comes the rain soon as my dreams and hopes are dashed

I see people I used to know and cross the road to the other side
Icy stares wear me down – their frost erodes, there’s nowhere to hide
I’d be so scared inside but I let it go – I’ve lost the load, there’s no fear to confide
There’s just a feeling like I have no meaning
As I pull back layers by peeling I find I am no longer dreaming
Underneath it all the person I am is sealed in
I’m certain I’m coming apart at the seams and
It seems that the dreams that I had are gone – here no longer
Every year I’m stronger but still words of fear fall near my tongue
No matter cause nobody left to hear my song

I always said I was Peter Pan and I meant to never grow old
Now look in this mirror and see this man who is twenty-seven years old

Education ends and six years go by
I achieved nothing and I don’t know why
So I sit right back and sip from glass
And think of maths and spit some facts
Teachers said I could be this or that but there was never anyway to see this kid adapt
To society whilst maintaining sobriety
I don’t know why this is but for this I’ve gained notoriety
Like all my dietary needs are provided for me by booze but I need variety
Talk about food for thought well I need all the flavours of the planet
And this appetite of the mind isn’t satisfied by these neighbours I have damnit
But my skills don’t bring success like those that labour with the granite
Plumbers and plasterers see fortune lavished as cash rains down while I’m famished
Oh to be dumb yet a master of craft and ravished by calls for repairs when ceiling’s damaged
I’m feeling savage whilst at work and cooking food
Pride is hurt and I’m always in a fucking mood
Serving warm desert to undeserving Mum’s who never work
They never know the worth of the paycheck that is earned
They send back apple crumble and some custard cause it’s burnt
And we stay happy, humble as we can muster until I turn
And slam the microwave door cause I am not your slave whore!
You laugh at my rants but I could rave more, I could snap and go insane sure

Some days I need strength but today I haven’t got an ounce in me
Wondering when the hell I’ll crack on and do accountancy
Prove everybody wrong who showed audacity when doubting me
Think what you want to – the fuck you give is less than the amount off me

As for you L****r Pandora’s Box is shut, locked and the key is broken
There’s no hope and to be sure I threw the box to the bottom of the ocean
My trod-on heart is frozen
As you’re as rotten as the potion
Of coke and ex that you are poking and injecting yourself with
The reason loads of guys are pouring anti-septic on their dicks
But still next to these hectic thoughts I wish
That before advancing up those sixty-four squares of the chess game called life
Your kiss could’ve danced on my lips before theirs giving me check-mate and wife
But I guess this I could no longer imagine
Maybe kids I could’ve had ’em bringing happiness I couldn’t fathom
There’s other fish in the sea but even if I caught a salmon
It’s not what I want – I’m still wishing for some gammon

People like to talk but I just like to walk
Their words go through me like blackboard and chalk
Until I want to go through them with hacksaw and fork
My mind’s a razor, my words will cut you and if you’re not a fan of my thoughts?
I might just shave and hurt and fuck you with my Samurai sword

Yeah so that’s what I wrote. Themes of loneliness, not being able to relate to others, being mad at someone, being annoyed at still being in the same job and envious of the fortune others from school have had. All pretty negative stuff lol. But I only ever feel like writing stuff like this when I feel like this so that is how it is therapy. It’s better to be violent with words than violent in real life. Also on this piece of paper there are various words and phrases that could grow into part verses or something. I don’t know what to do with these thoughts really. Maybe this blog post is the end of it. Maybe I should carry it on and get everything off my chest. But not right now. My mood has improved

About dazz22

I’m a dude from England and I’m just your average screw up of a human being
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