Can’t Buy Me Love

“The best things in life are free
But you can keep them for the birds and bees
Now give me money
That’s what I want”

 

People have always debated it. Love or money? According to The Beatles money is what they want. But then they also say they don’t care too much for money for money can’t buy them love. Contradiction? Maybe. But since Money (That’s What I Want) was their cover version of the song and Can’t Buy Me Love was composed by Sir Paul McCartney then maybe they actually go for love when asked the question. But also since they were rich as hell and everybody loved them they probably couldn’t careless which is more desirable. But for the common asshole like me if I had a little rub on a magical lamp and a genie came out of the bastard and granted me only one wish then it would be a tough choice.

Money makes the world go round and is the root of all evil. So they say. For me I have never got enough of the stuff. Even if I had more I would just spend more. My current financial situation is dire. As I write this I am £1,950 overdrawn. I owe a few mates some cash for various things (plane tickets, tents, minibus hiring etc). I have a few bills to pay but they’ll have to wait until payday on Friday. I owe about £2,100 on a credit card. And my student debt probably stands at around £15,000 give or take a few grand (I have no idea of the actual figure). Also, I shouldn’t even have the £2,000 overdraft limit that I do have. When it came to me getting my flat I had to go to the bank and politely ask them if they could delay cutting my graduate overdraft limit so I could pay the deposit and first month’s rent for the flat. They amazingly agreed to change the date I graduated so I could keep my £2,000 limit for another year. But that was three years ago and I still have it. Have they forgotten? Do they not really give a shit? At any point they could ask for that back and I would be screwed. Well, I’d be screwed if I didn’t have a spare credit card kept safe for that very situation. But that would just be a transfer of debt. I have it all under control. Just about. The cost of living is high and when you work hard you feel that you deserve to be able to have some fun in your spare time. I know I spend too much when I go out and I could cut this down. But I don’t want to. I know this Friday when I get paid that after paying a few bills I will end up out with some pals spending money that I really shouldn’t. I always have to remember that enough needs to be left of the overdraft to pay rent, electricity, council tax, credit card, interest fees, house insurance, phone bill, internet bill, Spotify and maybe water. Plus a dude needs to eat. Even though I get paid more than I used to it is still a struggle when I get to week 4 after being paid. It’s doing my head in and there seems to be no end to it.

I could get a better job one day and things might be easier. But even then I am light years away from being able to afford a mortgage and a car. This stuff is the ultimate aim. To own your own house and car and live comfortably with a few holidays every year and some fun times at weekends. With no stress when it comes to bills. That would be nice. Would it make me happy? Maybe a bit. Would it make me choose money over love? No. That’s not enough money yet. Material things can only do so much to put a smile on your face right? Hhmm. Let’s dive deeper into the debate to see if there’s an ultimate answer. Maybe a million pounds wouldn’t be enough. Maybe a billions pounds would be enough. Maybe there’s a point where money overtakes love in this debate. If it does then what is that value? Would that be the price of love? Would you pay that sum of money and trade it all for the love of your life? The question is more complicated than Sir Paul thought it was. Deeper we must go.

I’ve been playing the lottery lately. It’s £2 a pop and the odds of winning the normal lottery are roughly 1 in 14 million. Odds of winning the Euromillions are 1 in 116 million. Considering the fact that they cost the same to enter it makes more sense to have a go on the normal lottery even though the jackpot is smaller. You’re 10 times more likely to win and a few million quid will still be very nice. But realistically you’re probably never going to win either of them. Ricky Gervais called it a “tax for the mathematically challenged”. But still, it is at least possible. And there seems more chance of getting rich by winning the lottery than by hard work or via the granted wish from a magical genie. The odds of me existing in the first place were far lower than winning the lottery so maybe there is some hope. And whenever you have a go you can’t help but think about what life could be like if your numbers came up. My overdraft would instantly be paid off. I could pay all my debts and leave my job that drives me crazy. You can do anything that you want to do. How nice would it be to wake up and do whatever you want? I could get a house and car and travel the world and even pay for mates to come with me. Any experience could become reality. There is no doubt that with a lot of money you would have a great life. You’d never really be stressed. Comfort is guaranteed. You could achieve all you wanted. So many doors that were once bolted shut would now be wide open and you’d only be limited by your imagination and the laws of physics. But let’s go back to that godforsaken genie. If you had wished for this the rules (that I am inventing right now) are that you can never have love. That means you will never be in love and nobody will ever love you. Sure, you can still fancy girls and enjoy their company. You can even marry them and have kids with them. And obviously you’ll have many offers cause you’re now rich as hell and there are a fair many gold digging whores out there (if you’re a girl reading this part than switch it to gold digging men slags. And if you’re gay then… you get the idea anyways). But you won’t love them. There will be no deep connection. When they talk to you about their day your mind will wander and you’ll find yourself thinking about whether the next Man United manager will be able to bring back success. You’ll be wandering what to have for dinner. Pizza? Curry? And their blabbering will be background noise to you. Same when you’re telling them some stuff. You’ll see in their eyes they’re not really listening as you tell them your hopes and dreams. They too are thinking the same…pizza or curry?

And so with that in mind could you ever truly be happy? Relationships would come and go and you wouldn’t be too down about it but you’d have a need deep within your soul that could never be fulfilled. You have the world at your feet and nobody to really share it with. All those amazing experiences and yet nobody would ever really give a shit about what you’ve achieved. After 10 or 20 years of fart-arsing about with all your money maybe it would become tiresome. Maybe you’d realise you made the wrong choice and by buying yourself a life of luxury you sold your soul to get it.

There are pros and cons to choosing the money. It would be so difficult to turn it all down though. I mean would you really care about true love and miss it when you’re flying around a rollercoaster at the top of a tower in Las Vegas? But let’s consider the alternative choice. Bollocks to the money. You tell the genie you’d like the love if that’s ok. And so it is done. You’re back to being massively overdrawn and there are many bills to be paid. You have to work hard in a shit job where most of your time is wasted to pay these bills and keep a roof over your head. Yet when you get home there she is (or he or whatthefuckever). The absolute love of your life. Just seeing this person raises your spirits. You cannot wait to tell them about your day and you cannot wait to hear about theirs. Money may be a bit tight but you can afford a nice takeaway curry that night and then you can watch a film and cuddle up and all that jazz. As you sit there together on your sofa munching on a poppadom you realise how lucky you are and cannot imagine life without them in it. No amount of money could change your mind. Even though you can’t afford a holiday that year and spend so much time at work you barely see each other some weeks. And even though sometimes the nights in and days off doing nothing can get a bit boring you’re still happy. What’s so good about Las Vegas anyway? The right decision was made. Don’t think about that genie. Yeah he might be laughing all the way to the bank but what do you care? Your world is right in front of your eyes.

Pros and cons. Two very different paths. You can have everything with nobody to share it with or have someone to share a whole load of nothing with. Logically you should choose money. Surely it is the right choice. When all is said and done love is just a feeling. Just one overwhelmingly powerful emotion. And with it comes it’s own stress. Maybe we can be better off without it and should just experience all that life has to offer if we’re given this choice. Choosing love is insane. Love is totally insane. But due to the insane nature of it that throws another complication into the whole decision making process here. If you knew what love was like when facing this decision you would be incapable of thinking clearly and would choose love. It would be ridiculous. But love makes people do stupid things. People risk their lives for love. It is so powerful. So what am I saying here? That the legendary Sir Paul McCartney is insane? Maybe. But aren’t we all…

If you could keep control of your head then you would choose money. Love is an illusion. It is all down to biology. Chemicals bringing addictive emotions that are designed to keep us interested in a person long enough to have and raise kids with them. And then at some point it all goes to shit anyway most likely as our souls then require a new challenge and new experiences. I honestly believe that we should choose money in this debate and then have all the fun you can cram into your life. It requires logic though. And in love we lose logic. Even though I know it would be the right decision what would I actually do if confronted by this stupid prick of a genie? Knowing a choice is insane is not enough to keep you from making that choice. Money cannot buy love and your ridiculous brain would remind you of that fact and demand that you chased that addiction. It is human nature. And we’re all silly little human bastards at the end of the day. We should choose money but most would choose love I reckon. If such a genie ever does bump into me and offer me such a tragic decision to make then I should read these words again before making the biggest mistake of all time and even then I wouldn’t trust myself not to rationalise love as the right choice. Never make another person the centre of your world. Money cannot buy you love. But it can buy everything else. It would actually literally change your life. Love cannot buy you a goddamn thing and in reality nothing in your life would change except your increasing dependence on a powerful delusion.

So Mr Genie I am making my choice. I’ve edged toward the money. Screw love. You can keep that shit. But before I make my choice just how much money are we talking about here? £2.2 million? Is that it? Not sure we have a deal there. I’ll be needing at least £10 million to give up on love. That’s your final offer? Well shit. Can I give up love for that amount? But it would be so nice to have a soul mate! So what if I could live comfortably with that money..I’ll never truly be happy. I need to choose love. Fuck it, I’ve changed my mind. Give me love please Mr Genie. Thank you so much. Now I can be happy! Just as soon as pay day arrives anyway…

Silly little human bastards…

Peace and love x