My life, I’m a fool for you
You who take no advice
You who think evil doesn’t exist
Just because you deny it is true
You’re lucky I care for fools like you
You’re lucky I’m there
To stop people doing the things that you know they are dying to do
You know I am no stranger
I know rules are a bore
But just to keep you from danger
I am the law
You’re gone. I suppose you were never there in the first place. I was in love with an illusion – a beautiful dream. And since it was all a facet of my imagination I guess this makes me crazy. So be it.
Time spent with you always went so fast. An absolute blur. It was just incredible to have you around. Any time you could give me I would cherish. You were so wonderfully free. Nobody could ever tame you. You would never belong to anybody. It’s strange that now I see you have been tamed. You are in captivity in a way I never thought possible for you. Every aspect of yourself is totally dominated. Each part of your unique personality has been watered down and is under constant scrutiny. Censored from the world and denying us your true nature.
You somehow were always strong willed and at the exact same time were easily impressed upon. Once your mind were made up there could be no changing it. Any attempt to do so would strengthen your resolve. But certain people and situations enchant your mind. This is the darkness you speak of. And it has an intense attraction for you. And sadly it will destroy you. But we should live for the moment. It will destroy you but that will be in the future. Right now you are seeking happiness as we all are. And you will go with it as you always have done. Without a care for the consequences or the damage done to those around you. Even without realising the impact that darkness will have on people that depend on you. Ridiculous as it is it is a quality I admire about you. If I let myself I would envy it. It’s a form of freedom. You have made the free choice to become imprisoned for life. And maybe you need that.
I haven’t had any hope for you for quite some time now. In that sense I did let go. But I’ve been holding on to other things that I wish to shed too. Mostly alternating between sadness and anger. I feel bad sometimes. Even though I know I had no control I still just don’t feel great about any of it. And then that can switch to my old pal anger. And confusion. Like how can you be like this with me of all people? I’m the person who despite everything has always been on your side. When we speak of your problems I take them on and share them with you. They’re my problems too. Deep down you know that. And yet you cast me away anyway. It is difficult to not feel anger at this. There’s no justice here. But I accept it.
I am learning to let go even of this anger and sadness. I need to let go of everything. How else can I be “The Light”? Emotions come and go. It’s important to have an understanding of why they’re there. I understand mine. I can look at them and be aware of them and not let them control me. I want true freedom for me and everybody else. The ultimate aim is to even shed the dualistic concept of “self”. There is no me. No you. No them. Just us. As one. One world, one love. I will love everybody as I have loved you. I will share their problems as I have shared yours. Our thoughts become actions and our actions become us. With our thoughts we can change the world. But first we have to start with our thoughts. Being angry only brings suffering. Being envious means I am attached and as nothing in this world is permanent that only leads to more suffering. And so I forgive you. When I’m angry I am mostly thinking of myself and my happiness. I am looking outwards for happiness and believing I will find it there. But we never do. You hear wise people say these words because they are true: “happiness lies within”. We can choose to be happy and not let other people or other situations have any impact on this. Nobody should have power over us. You used to say that to me. Shame that as of yet you could not follow your own advice.
This writing is a form of meditation for me. I know that I have the words and the answers to my own problems. All I need is to sometimes actually put them down in some kind of order to realise it. Always look inwards. You know the truth. If you were to one day imagine telling me your problems and then also imagine what I might say then take my imaginary words and listen to them. Maybe it really would be what I would say to you. But more importantly you’d be listening to yourself. And you know all that you need to know. You have all the answers. And you’ll be ok. Nothing but love x