“He’s a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody”
After a year of many highs and a surprisingly low amount of lows things have now slowed down. There’s not much going on. One day seems to roll into the next and everything has been a blur. I don’t seem to have much time to myself and yet I don’t really achieve anything or have any fun with my days. It’s quite boring.
This year has gone so fast. I know we say it every year that each one seems to go quicker than the last but it is getting scary. One minute it’s New Year and then before you know it everybody starts talking about Christmas again. It doesn’t help with the job I do. In a restaurant people are always looking to the next calendar event. It’s all about how much money we can take and our preparation for a busy few days. So after New Year pretty soon Valentine’s Day is getting a mention. Then immediately it’s all about Mother’s Day. Then Easter, May Day, Whit Week, Father’s Day, school holidays, Halloween, Bonfire night and then the whole Christmas crap. Then New Year again. You don’t get chance to just enjoy the moment when you’re always looking ahead and it gets tiring. I want to live for now. For most of the year I suppose I have had many moments where I’ve somehow managed to not look ahead or to the past and I’ve just had a great time. Between all of those times though I’ve also done a whole lot of soul searching. I don’t know why I constantly need to assess myself and change. Maybe I have too much time on my hands even though I’m always complaining that I have no time. I mean, where the hell did I find the time to type this right now anyway?
Anyway indeed. So now the good times seem to be over and there is nothing to look forward to other than the awesome trip to Vietnam in April next year. That will be amazing but it seems too far away to get really excited about at the moment. In the next few weeks I have no real plans. It’s just a whole load of work with the occasional night out. Thrown in with this on a damn near daily basis now I seem to be in a pub smacking a few beers down me with a few people. This is not a night out. Just something social that I do. Anytime anybody fancies a beer I am there. It really seems like I’m either at work or getting tipsy or asleep these days. No wonder it’s all a blur. Sometimes people will ask me about what happened in the pub a few days ago and I have no idea. It’s hard to pin point which day they’re on about first of all. It’s all like one big day to me. Plus sometimes I’m so tired and merry that I have no idea what’s going on. I’m just in a kind of day dream and none of it seems real. But this is real life and it is strange that September just ran away and got replaced by October and then October just imploded and became November. It’s now November the 4th and I don’t know how long it will remain November. You think 26 more days? To me it will feel like 8 days. Then it’s December and a week later it’s 2015 and what even did happen over Christmas? The world needs to slow down because I’m getting dizzy.
Due to my perceived lack of time I find it difficult to find any motivation to do anything. Everyday tasks seem near impossible to keep on top of. Washing up will take half an hour. Who has half an hour? Buying food from Tesco takes half an hour. Cooking requires time also. I spend too much of my life waiting for a bastard kettle to boil water. Also I have to wait in queues at cash points and in shops. The amount of time I spend waiting to get served at a bar and then waiting for a pint to be poured is ridiculous. Hoovering and cleaning every few days…just do not have the time to keep up with it so sod it most of the time. Washing clothes is another time consuming chore. I have no tumble dryer and no garden so I have to wait days for clothes to dry. You have to plan life around how long it will take for clean clothes to become dry. Such effort. Take all of these everyday tasks and subtract them from my day (which is a measly 24 hours) and then also subtract sleep and work time and I am not left with much time to do anything. There are thousands of books I need to read and about 10 tv shows I need to get into. Plus there are video games and poker to set aside time for. And I need to write stuff and think about things. Sometimes I just need some time alone to sit the fuck down for some amount of time in peace. I have no time for all of these things. And so I get paralysed and do hardly anything. I’m a prisoner in my own mind sometimes. If I could have a super power it would definitely be to control time. And though I would have some fun checking out the future and screwing with the present by messing with the past the main thing I would do would be to stop time so I could relax for a bit. Just me with a cup of coffee, some biscuits and a book with no time elapsing. Maybe then I would get some chores done finally.
But enough of all that. I do sometimes find peace. After two pints with friends I am at peace. One pint isn’t enough. The third pint can sometimes make me a bit drunk and then I can become a bit sad about things in the past. But two pints is pure relaxation. It would be nice to have that two pint feeling at all times. If the third pint had no effect that would be cool but then I wouldn’t buy it because it would be a rip off. Stupid idea.
I also find peace in music. I’m becoming dependent on music. I am so into the whole goddamn lot of it. Many people say that they have a varied taste and like all sorts but it really is true for me. I have a playlist for walks and playlists for work where energy is required. I have playlists to bring me up and playlists to wallow in self pity to. Angry playlists and happy playlists. But the main thing I listen to these days are Beatles songs. I love those four dudes and the magic they created together. I cannot put into words just how amazing I think their songs are. The amount of times lyrics in their songs relate to my day and how I feel is incredible. I can shuffle all of their tracks and enjoy each one and feel instantly in a better mood. Their music is timeless and when I absorb their music time stops for a few moments. It’s almost like something spiritual. People you don’t even know start humming along and joining in and we all know that it’s more than just music. It has such universal appeal and has had for so long that it’s built into the DNA of everybody. Or something. I can’t explain it. I just cannot fathom how they came up with it all. But thank Krishna that they did. What would the world be like without them? Who could ever know… I’ll save this topic for it’s very own blog post one day. But for now if you don’t listen to The Beatles just start doing it and you’ll love it.
That’s me done on here for today. Just wanted to write about the nothingness that I’m being engulfed in right now. Maybe in a few weeks my perspective will change and I’ll write something happier. Going to go and get ready. For work. Before a beer tonight and then sleep. Peace x