“Om mani padme hum”
A few months ago I was in a great place emotionally. Part of it was due to having a lot of things going on and a lot of events to look forward to and enjoy. A busy mind is sometimes a happy mind. But a lot of it was also because of the philosophy of Buddhism that I had discovered. At the time I was watching a lot of Youtube videos created by people ranging from zen masters to beginners. I read a few books. I was practising using their methods in daily life. From simple meditation to certain attitudes they had. It lead me to developing a bit of compassion for others where previously there was mostly nothing there most days. I tried to be mindful where I could. This even lead to me being a vegetarian so as to be mindful of other living beings and the beautiful planet we live on. And considering how much I love bacon and steak that was a big thing for me.
I wasn’t always successful with this philosophy. Sometimes I would revert back to the angry person that I was before. I often found myself still wrapped up in my own problems. I still thought of the past and the future instead of living for the present moment. I didn’t meditate enough. And after a while I stopped being vegetarian. It requires less effort and no discipline to eat meat. But on some occasions during this period of time I felt truly alive and peaceful. It’s hard to explain just how positive I felt and this is from a person that seems to almost enjoy my own misery at times. I felt a lot of love for the people around me. I could see petty arguments for what they were – pointless. I had such clarity. I felt in a position to help others and by doing good the positivity increases and you can just continue. I had energy and drive. Jealousy and greed started to seem childish. The happiness of others became something to make me happy. And when I felt happy others that were happy were happy that I was happy. Happy ass times they were. It’s a great thing to have a connection to those around you.
But then the good times ended. Not in a dramatic way but the list of awesome social events just reached the end and boredom kicked in. I did no meditation. I ate a lot of takeaways all containing meat. I drank far too much. I started to desire what others had. Everybody else seemed to be happy but why not me? Such bullshit. The anger started to come back. Compassion slipped away and most people seemed to just annoy me again. I wasn’t really thinking about what I had discovered and so wasn’t using it at all. The only time Buddhism was entering my head was to acknowledge that it is in my future again at some point because it is right. But for now I was on my own again. Trying to figure the world out with my own stupid brain. Looking at everything with my own selfish, narrow sighted eyes. The world lost its wonder again. Everything became a chore. You end up wishing time away when you’re bored and then gutted when you realise it’s all there is. Negativity begets more negativity and it sucks you into a downward spiral to your own self destruction. And when you lose hope you start to wonder what is at the end of the spiral. What would happen if you just gave up and embraced your own failures? It’s a scary thought. Like looking into the abyss.
Why did I let it all go? I know I was onto something a few months ago with the positive vibes. There are two ways to be in life for me. I’ve always described it as like the sides of a coin. Except unlike a coin you don’t have to flip it and leave it up to chance for which path you take. You can choose. Consider this sentence: it is beneficial to you and your environment to become your greatest version by raising your frequency and achieving a higher vibration. The asshole in me would look at that sentence and think it is utter bullshit and complete nonsense. Frequencies and vibrations? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. That’s negative me. One side of the coin. But read it with a deep understanding. Why would you not want to be the best you can be for yourself and others? Positivity begets positivity. Vibration? It’s all we are. All of matter at the sub-atomic level is just energy and vibration. Everything you see is not really solid. That is just your brain telling you that it is because it benefits your survival. But it is all an illusion. With meditation and a deep understanding you can grasp this concept. The whole universe is just energy and we occupy some of this energy for a period of time and are able to manipulate it. Energy flows through us. We can use this energy for good or bad and karma will act accordingly as your actions cause ever so slight ripples in the cosmos. Raise your frequency? Yeah. Be in tune to your surroundings and open to the possibilities. It’s an amazing way to be.
And so there I was in Tesco the other day. I was in the freezer section. There were two pizzas on offer. One was meat feast and one was cheese feast. I didn’t see two pizzas whilst I was looking at them. I saw two sides of a coin. Every action has a reaction no matter how big or small. Many paths branch out from this simple decision of which pizza to buy. This choice means nothing in the grand scheme of things. And yet it could branch out into an overwhelmingly positive life if I were to choose the positive side of the coin for every little decision I’m ever faced with. With the required discipline I could be at peace. I could be raise my frequency. I could be the greatest version of myself. And so on that occasion I bought the cheese feast pizza. Such a small decision. But it was mindful. It was a start on a path to somewhere. And it was a good start. Wherever it may go.
We’re all on a path finding our way through life. We do it as best we can. And no matter what we have done in the past or what we will do in the future everything we do is as a result of our desire to be happy. It is so simple. The mistakes we make maybe weren’t mistakes at the time but only seem so in hindsight. We’re just trying to be happy. You may think that only when you reach the end of your particular path will you be able to look back and realise just what that path was. But the path is endless. It had no start point. Your path will never end. We’re all on our own journey. We can make the journey a great one with each step. Or not. It’s a choice. Right now I’m grateful that I am alive and well. I have all that I need. Everything that I used to desire (and sometimes still do) would not actually make me happier within myself. I know that and I need to keep knowing that.
So for now I plan to be mindful again. In some ways it’s an easier way to live than by worrying about all the stuff I usually worry about. I just have to not get lost. Too often I am focusing on a destination that is just an illusion when I should be focused on the journey. It’s all about the step you are taking right now. That’s what matters. As always – peace and love my friends xx