“Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
That you’d like to”
2016 ran away and became 2017. 1992 was a quarter of a century ago. It gets faster and faster and I really don’t like to think about it too much. It makes it all the more important to appreciate the moment we’re in like all those spiritual people say we should.
Incidentally 2016 was almost the best year for views on this little blog I do. It didn’t deserve to beat 2014 though. I like the things I wrote in 2014 more than 2016’s words. This blog is now 5 years old. As time goes on it will become more interesting to look back through them and in some cases wonder what the hell I was on about at the time. I still wish I had my blogs from myspace. They’d be cringe worthy but I’d be able to time travel back to early 2006 then.
I hope 2017 will be a great year. I never really plan much for a year. I just sit back and let things either happen or not happen. There are a few events planned that will be fun and so far March is heavy favourite to be the best month of the year with a trip to Latvia in the pipeline along with another crazy week of beers and betting for Cheltenham Festival. I also need to think about current job and living situations. On the one hand I can’t be bothered to look for, apply for and potentially obtain a new job. Life is mostly easy right now with weekends off and everyday a lie-in. Not doing too many hours and not having to travel and just about enough money to not be totally screwed. I have plenty of time to sit around day dreaming and reading and playing games and having a few beers with a few pals. But at the same time the job is dreadfully boring and also really annoying me now. Why is it employers accept and put up with lazy employees but expect a good employee to work miracles? It’s demoralising. Plus I really should actually do something in life. Society says I should be ambitious and strive for more and I can almost hear people’s thoughts about me these days. They think I’m a failure and I guess I am. Sometimes I wish for a job that would silence their thoughts. Even though I guess “their” thoughts are really just my own thoughts conveying my own disappointment in myself. Easier to blame society and others though. But yeah, I will be doing a bit of a think and having a job hunt soon again. And I’ll also have to consider where to live. I’ve been thinking about the south coast. I’ll carry on thinking about it a while and massively flirt with the idea before eventually dismissing it and staying where I am most likely. Staying is boring but also easier. I’m such a lazy bastard and have no drive. I have to accept this. Or try to change it. Sometimes I can smack a Huel shake down me and listen to Death Grips full blast and believe that I’m going to pack all my troubles in my old kit-bag and smile, smile, smile and move on out of this comfortable and mediocre situation but then other days listen to The Smiths with pizza whilst happy in the haze of a drunken hour totally content with mediocrity for at least life really isn’t too bad.
Wow, what a paragraph. I only wanted to say that March was going to be a good month and my life story fell out onto the page. Oh well.
Many times in life I have toyed with the idea of attempting to write a novel. It’s a life goal of mine. I love writing so much but I don’t think I could ever really be an author. For one you need a lot of luck and there are far more talented people than me that never get published. It’s crazy to think there are people that rejected JK Rowling and Harry Potter. Also to be an author I imagine is a hell of a lot of work which I’ve already established I cannot be bothered with. But I’m not really looking to get published if I did write a novel. It’s only my life goal to write one and have it exist in the world. You can easily self-publish these days. But the life goal requires the story to only exist on my laptop to be ticked off. If anybody wanted to read it maybe I could e-mail it to them. First though I have to write the bastard and that requires inspiration and plot ideas. I have a few ideas. I know what the book will be like if I ever wrote it. It would kind of be an easy way to get my own stupid thoughts out into the world (the world likely actually just being my own laptop) using the characters as vessels. I guess I’d just mix my own self into the characters a bit and hope that would suffice to cover up the limits of my imagination. And then there’s the plot to consider. I sometimes have ideas about interesting situations that I’d like these characters to be in. Great stories always amaze me though in how authors manage to wrap stories up with satisfying endings and I struggle with that. I can imagine a situation coming to some kind of peak and then just not know what should happen after that. Anything could happen and I would just get option paralysis and not know what to do for the best. I know I’d never want to write a happily ever after type of ending and the kind of ending I would want to write would not appeal to most people. I’m realistic about the fact that hardly anybody would enjoy my novel and that is why I have no ambition with it other than to write it. I do have a little idea about getting stuck with plot ideas though. Ever since reading the novel called The Dice Man I’ve been so intrigued by the idea of using a dice to dictate what one does in life. Unfortunately I do not have the conviction to use a dice to tell me what to do next in life. We’d mostly only give the options to the dice that we’d like to do anyway and if the dice told us to do something we really didn’t want to do it’s unlikely we’d actually do it. However I could totally use this idea when writing a novel. If I get stuck with characters or plot maybe I could use the dice and then roll it and let the Universe tell me what to do next in the story. I love the idea of that and the consequences are acceptable when it is only fictitious characters that could have their lives ruined. It could make the story a whole lot more random and organic. Random things happen in life that we have no control over and most stories are so blatantly telling a story (obviously) that it seems restricted and inorganic unlike life. George RR Martin goes against the grain here and has created a world where it really feels like anything could happen to anybody much like real life. But most authors pull their characters through event after event to tell us a story and that is awesome most of the time. My idea is probably stupid for serious authors. Why kill off a character that you and a potential audience will really like? It would be so much fun though and plot twists could be far less obvious if you as the writer don’t even know they’re coming yourself. You could even ask people you know to give you an option to add to the dice. Maybe you could try a few options and then decide on which one feels right and best. As ever this is all just idle thought unless I actually start to write it. Which knowing me is unlikely. My idea was probably conceived, existed and died all in one go in this blog and will never grow to be a healthy novel in nine months time.
So I have plans to write and I also have plans to read. Just finished reading everything I wanted to read by Brandon Sanderson finally. I know that he is an author I will follow throughout life and he’s a great author to be a fan of since he has such a prolific rate of firing out quality stories. Multiple releases per year. The guy is a machine. Currently I’m reading Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy and I’m enjoying it so far. I have a reading list which I’m sticking to and relentlessly going to be getting through it from now on. The fantasy novels alone will take me into 2018 and maybe further so this list is ridiculous but I do bloody love getting sucked into another person’s created world via their words. It’s a welcome distraction from the mundane and sometimes crappy world of our reality.
But time to stop being negative. My new resolution (not really for the new year but a resolution nonetheless) is to do more things that I want to do. It’s so simple and yet I often find that I don’t manage to achieve it. Sometimes I absolutely have plans to get out and do something and yet don’t ever get round to doing it. Sometimes this lack of doing things leads to drifting away from people. It’s such a sad thing to lose touch with people you were great friends with but I guess it’s just how life is. I have the bubble of a bullshit personality which is my wall up around people I don’t know and it takes me a while to build a rapport with a person. Once I do though it’s cool. I feel I’m a good friend to most. I like it when you have that kind of connection where you have many inside jokes and just know what the other person is thinking without them having to say a word. But these connections can still drift away from us if we don’t make an effort to stay in touch and I’m terrible for not just picking up the phone and seeing how somebody is even if I am actually wondering and planning to get in touch. So so silly. And before you know it they’re a friend from the past and you’ve downgraded each other to acquaintances. But then there are some where you just know that you’ve both changed too much due to seeing each other less and drifting. It’s just life. People change depending on their environment and when paths diverge too much it is likely the rapport you once had will be broken when you meet up again. I have to learn to accept that better. You can’t force things. Connections can be strong if you fuel them regularly but distance can pull them apart. New people come into life at the same time as people leave and that’s the right way to look at it. They say that our group of friends mostly totally changes every 7 years or so so I’ve done well to have a few that have gone beyond that and I do appreciate it. All of this ties in with my resolution. Sometimes I’ve just got to do better to keep in touch with family and friends and sometimes I’ve got to be just be totally ok with drifting from people that have drifted. It’s all good.
I’m kind of in the mood to write all day but think I’m going to leave it in favour of writing again here pretty soon. There’s many things I feel like writing about but don’t want to smash it all into one ridiculously long blog and then write nothing again for a couple of months. I mostly want to write about actual topics in this blog for 2017 and beyond rather than the diary type ones. I go over old ground when I’m talking about general life and so should only write one every few months at most. Sometimes though a topic grabs us and makes us angry or intrigued or inspired or whatever and those topics are what I want to write about. I do go through periods where I don’t feel like writing about anything and I guess that’s fine but I really should write here more as it often feels good to get stuff off my chest. When I’m angry about something it is better to let it out always and I do like to vent.
2017 has started off much the same as every other year whereby I re-realise that time is a man-made construct and has no actual meaning in our reality. Life just is and there is only now. The past and the future are all just ideas and they do not actually exist. I can wallow in the past and obsess about the future but it is all a waste of energy and leads to missing the moment. So I wish you a happy 00:21am on the 11th January 2017 and many other happy moments in whatever present moment you’re reading this in.