Jobs and Life and Things

“If you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there”

Dear diary. Today I’m going to tell you about the job dilemma I live with. It’s a problem I will likely continue to do nothing about but this piece of writing is present me explaining to future me exactly why present me continues to avoid this problem.

So yeah, I did well at school and all that jazz. My options back then were quite nice as it seemed I had to pick between being a doctor or a lawyer if my teachers were to be believed. Or maybe I could settle for a teacher like them. Very nice careers and nothing could stop me. As I type this I work in a supermarket and I’m 34 years old. That was never the plan. It was never even possible. And yet here I am. Why?

Well there are many contributing factors. Many screwed up things about both myself and the world have lead to me not achieving like I should have done. But all that is the past so why in the present do I not strive to reach for the stars and do something with my life? I have to admit I lack all ambition currently and I have grown to be lazy. Not in terms of work ethic but more that I don’t like using much brain power as I need it all to dream and for philosophisationalisms. I have rationalised my lack of ambition by using finances as a reason why I should not aim for more money. I will now layout the thought process behind this paradox.

It’s difficult to guess how much money I make currently as it varies year to year and I don’t pay much attention. I must take home at least  £15,000 per year. That isn’t very good apparently but keep in mind that is after tax, national insurance, pension and union fees. It is all mine to spend and I never struggle for anything. I have plenty for my bills, food, beer, trips abroad and whatever else I feel like buying. It’s easy. I doubt it would be enough if I were married with kids. Perhaps I would need financial assistance in that case. But that isn’t my current  reality.

On top of this money I receive I also get at least 10% off my shopping. Sometimes up to 20% off and quite frequently free food too. Not to mention that since I work in a shop I always kill two birds with one stone. The chore of doing a weekly shop just doesn’t exist. I’m already there to buy what I need. These are items I would need no matter where I worked at a cheaper price than normal. Also factored into my thinking is that I live a 5 minute walk away from where I work. Time is money and that is crucial to the next points in my argument against my future self.

If I left my current working situation I calculated that it would need to be for a job paying roughly £30,000 per year at least. However that would of course lead to more tax being paid and potential student loan repayments. I reckon I would be lucky to keep £23,000 of that. But that is still £8,000 more than I have now every single year not to mention the prestige of having a “decent” job. But here are the problems:

1) Where do I find this job? It would be a big step to go from my current situation to a “decent” job and who would gamble on me? I’d have to sort out my CV, hunt around and apply, go for interviews (shudder), get rejected hundreds of times and I don’t deal with that well and lastly but most unrealistically get very lucky. Someone would have to look past me pissing around for years since uni. Someone would have to see me and like what they see. Unlikely. An impossible dream not worth chasing.

2) £8,000 would evaporate very quickly. Firstly I would no longer have a discount for shopping and shopping still needs to be done. That would eat into that extra cash. Also the chore of going shopping would now be something to deal with for the rest of my life. Probably an hour every week down the gutter. Time is money. In fact I’m going to consider an hour of time to be equal to £10 from now on. A living wage-ish. Also these “decent” jobs are never a 5 minute walk away. There will be commuting most likely. Let’s be super optimistic and say the job is a half an hour train ride or drive away. That’s 5 hours per week. That’s £50 right there. Taking out 5 weeks for annual leave and that’s £2350 per year. That’s just in time lost for philosophisationalisms. That doesn’t include either train fare or the cost of buying and running a car. Also the commute could easy be an hour instead of half an hour which takes time lost to £4700. Add in cash for a car (plus insurance, road tax, MOT’s and petrol) and for shopping without discount and all of a sudden where has that lovely £8000 gone? Instead I probably have less than £15000 to spend now and yet I’d have gone to so much trouble.

You see the issue I have? Life is easy. Money is fine. Things can be a lot worse. Imagine having to put a suit on and drive to work for an hour, being stressed all day, driving home and going to bed all for an illusory £8000 that I’d never actually see. Yeah I would have better prospects. But it’d be years before it came to fruition. Maybe by 50 years old I’d be well off. But I’d also be nearly dead and still depressed. Twenty more years after that and none of it matters as I’ll be forgetting everything. Few years later I’m dead and none of it matters even more than it didn’t already matter.

The dilemma is when it comes to maybe finding a nice girl to play videogames with one day. On any dating site if a girl seems ambitious or career driven then there is no hope as they would never give me the time of day. So I need someone who is not career driven but also quite intelligent. This almost doesn’t exist. The people on my level in the jobs department are either young students just passing through before their next chapter or they’re married with kids just topping up the income whilst being a happy Mum. It’s a real tough situation I’ve let myself sleep walk into. I need someone else who has sleep walked into the same situation as me. But who else is intelligent enough and stupid enough in equal parts to end up where I’ve ended up? If you fit the bill and are reading this by the way leave a comment lolz. If only the Universe worked in such simple ways and in my favour eh?

Anyway, there is my thinking. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never known what to do. I’m so lost. But I have beer and food in the fridge and I’m sat down typing this nonsense. Some people earning crazy money are throwing themselves in front of trains. So basically things are ok. Amazingly average. I will continue to ponder this dilemma. And in a decade I will write part two whilst living in the same flat and working in the same job most likely.

Peace and love.